This Stage in Life
This late 30s almost 40 stage in life is not what I expected. When you are younger and you envision yourself at 40 you think it's "old". You believe life is going to be figured out by that point. You believe you are who you will be and there is no changing it. I am discovering none of that is true.
Yes, I am older. I certainly don't feel like the 18 year old me was convinced I would. I don't feel old or fragile. I don't feel like I need to eat dinner by 4pm to be in bed my 6pm. You see, I was clearly delusional about what being almost 40 left like. I feel good. I feel strong. I feel empowered by this stage in my life.
I was delusional to think I would have everything figured out. Now at almost 40 I don't think that will ever happen.
We are always learning new things. There will never be a day when I can say, "I have now learned everything there is to know." Sorry younger people that have hung their hat on that belief. It just isn't true.
Most importantly, I am discovering that this stage in my life involves a whole lot of self-discovery. It's a different form of self-discovery than we experience in our late teens and early twenties. It is liberating and refreshing. At almost 40 I am discovering things about myself that I love. I am discovering that my happiness is my priority. I am discovering that I do not have to make myself small for anyone. I am discovering that I don't need approval from anyone to embrace who I am as a woman.
This stage in my life is probably hard for some people in my life. As I discover so much more about myself and I grow it will make others uncomfortable. They will be uncomfortable because they aren't at this stage. It will be uncomfortable because changes to me make waves for them. If they truly love me they will grab a boogie board and ride these waves of change with me. If they are too afraid of the ocean I will understand and they can stand on the beach and watch.
I am loving this stage in my life. I am loving the woman I am and I am loving the woman I am still becoming. While some people run from 40 I am running towards it with my arms wide open.