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Unicorn Mask

Learn to talk like a lady with the UM Dick-tionary!

Because it's way better than sounding like a horses ass.

A

    Amazeballs

    (Adjective) 1. Awesome 2. Epic

    Assclown

    (Noun) 1. A person who is more or less a fucking poser and tries to make themselves look like they are more than what they really are but ends up looking like an idiot because if it.

    2. Fake ass bitch See also, Fakeassbitch and Felicia

    Asshat

    (Noun) 1. Someone whose head is so far up their ass they could almost wear their ass for a hat.

    2. Super-fucking-delusional.

    Asstastic

    1. To describe someone's fantastic ass

    2. When you're being a fantastic asshole.

    Awesomesauce

    "(Noun) The liquid gold that poureth out of thine very own veins.

    Note of warning: Very contagious, proceed with caution upon interaction with the aforementioned sauce."

B

    BBS (abbreviation of) Bitter Bitch Syndrome

    (Noun) The Bitches that couldn't make shit work out back when they were with your man but now wanna hate on you 'cause you're doing something right and shit’s working.

    Bitch Shrapnel

    (Noun) The fragments left behind after overly dramatic and opinionated mom wars!

    Booty Tickled

    (Verb) When you can easily take things up the ass.

    Bye Felicia

    (Noun) A term for a scumbag women that you no longer want.

    Bye Ian

    (Noun) A term for a scumbag man that you no longer want.

C

    Captain Save-A-Ho

    (Noun) When bitches the throw on a cape and fly into comments to save original poster.

    The Cavalry

    (Noun) When a pack of unicorn moms gang up on another UM.

    Cliterference

    (Noun) Female equivalent to Cock Blocking.

    Cluster Fuck

    (Noun) 1. A bunch of shit all coming together (sometimes from all directions) capable of making life difficult.

    2.The devil is in the details.

    Cock Juggling Thunder Cunt

    (Noun) A bitch that hates you for no good reason, is jealous of you, tries to fuck with you and drags her tired ass out for any dick she can get to feel better about herself.

    Cougar

    (Noun) 1. Women in their 40s and older, that are on the prowl to find younger men to have sex with.

    2. Stiffler’s Mom, Mrs. Robinson"

    Cunt Nugget

    (Noun) 1. When you're only a wee bit of a cunt.

    2. The child of a thundercunt with the same shitty attitude as their mother.

    Cunt Punt

    (Noun) 1. When you kick cunts out of your life with extreme force.

    2. Kicking bitches in the cunt cause they suck.

    Cuntly

    (Adjective) The female version of ballsy.

D

    Dear Diary

    (Noun) 1. A post that seems to have absolutely no meaning or relevance other than a UM stating what happened throughout her day at length.

    2. A post similar to the following: Hey UMs! I love my husband. Today we went to the store. We thought about going to Walmart.

    DeliriUM

    (Noun) The semi-conscious state of being beyond tired and so ready for bed yet unable to stop scrolling through the UM page because you know the entertaining train wreck posts will most likely be deleted by morning.

    Dickbagle

    (Noun) A man who is easy on the eyes but acts like a total prick.

    Dicktimized

    (Verb) Being the victim of a fuck boy’s dick.

    Dildo

    (Noun) Term used en lieu of calling someone a dick because they just ain't real enough for that.

    Don't be a Nancy

    (Noun) Advice given whenever someone's pussyfooting around.

    Douche Canoe

    (Noun) An asshole trying to swim upstream in a conversation full of hungry hippos.

    Dry Doggin’

    (Verb) Being fucked or the attempt to fuck someone with no lube, no juice, just totally dry - yikes!

    Dumbfuckery

    (Noun) A go-to term for people being dumb fucks and creating all kinds of stupidity for no reason.

    Dumby

    (noun) A girl who is so fucking dumb she doesn’t know how to spell "dummy" correctly.

E

    Exit Speech

    (Noun) The illogical action taken to demonstrate one’s level of disdain toward UM culture despite UMs giving zero fucks about it.

F

    Felicia

    (Noun) 1. Commonly used in the phrase ""Bye Felicia!"" when referring to someone no longer liked by or relevant to the person using the phrase.

    2. A bitch or someone just plain annoying.

    3. A female who joins UMs thinking it will be like every other mom group but quickly discovers it’s actually ""not for her"" yet finds it impossible to simply leave the group and has to post a long and unnecessary Exit Speech condemning all UMs and their “ways” even though none of them care what she thinks.

    4. A pathetic bitch advised by UMs to not let the door hit her ass on her way out after posting a pointless Exit Speech.

    Fleek

    (Adjective) When one is looking fly, totally fabulous, right on-point like shizzam!

    Fuck Face

    (Noun) Some bitch’s or asshole’s face that irritates the fuck out of you or instantly pisses you off just by looking at it.

    Fucktastic

    (Adjective) When something is fucked in a bad way.

G

    H

      Homewrecker

      (Noun) We all know one – combining “home” and “wrecker” says it all.

      Houdini Hoe

      (Noun) A cowardly bitch posting clinically stupid shit and then disappearing.

    I

      Ian

      (Noun) A fuckwit who uses women by sleeping with them and then denying their existence as mythical creatures. Leads to eye rolling of a shit ton of UMs, prompting many posts, apologies and bye Felicias. aka WhoTheFuckIsIan.

    J

      K

        KOS

        (Verb) Advising someone to keep on scrolling or announcing that’s what you’re gonna do in reaction to annoying posts.

      L

        M

          Miley

          (Noun) Commonly used in conjunction with "Exit Speeches" the name for a bitch breaking all the rules but looking like an idiot in the process prompting the typical response of "Fuckin, Miley over here… Smh"

          Monster-in-law

          (Noun) Mother-in-law taken up a notch.

          MOTHER DICK

          (Noun) An expression of frustration or a reaction to something bad happening aka the short version MOTHER RICHARD cause if you know Richard, then you know dick.

        N

          Negative Nancy

          (Noun) That one bitch with seemingly zero sense of humor and has to make it known whenever she disapproves of someone’s else’s idea of a funny post aka Miley or Debbie Downer.

        O

          P

            Party Central

            (Noun) A fucking amazing-ass thread created when EVERYONE is online and balls-deep in awesomesauce!

            Petty Betty

            (Noun) The bitch making a mountain out of a molehill for her own entertainment.

            Prick Pickle

            (Noun) A man who acts like a total prick but is not easy on the eyes.

            Progressive Unimom

            (Noun) A wonderful mother who is caring, helpful, loving, powerful, strong and protective in a good way. She is revolutionary in many aspects of her parenting and utilizes unconventional ideas to eliminate any threat posed to her child. 2. Boss bitch who will flick a lit cigarette in your truck for getting ash on her baby you little self-centered fuck!

            Puma

            (Noun) The rapidly-growing population of women in their 30s equally as dangerous as cougars when it comes to hunting younger men.

          Q

            R

              RBF

              (Noun) Resting Bitch Face.

              RAW Dogging

              (Verb) 1. When he's ready to bust a nut but you’re not even turned on yet and he continues to fuck you anyway.

              2. Fucking without a condom.

            S

              Sales Whore

              (Noun) The bitch that keeps adding you to parties and groups for products you don't want without ever asking your permission!

              Sex Panther

              (Noun) A fuckboy who smells like a 14-year-old that overdid it on the Axe Affect.

              Sippy Cup

              (Noun) A device used to cleverly disguise day drinking.

              Squatting

              (Verb) To scroll through the UM newsfeed while sitting on the porcelain throne and sometimes with alcohol involved.

            T

              Taco Bell

              (Noun) 1. Unicorn food Taco

              2. Food preferred by 90% of the UM population and consumed to satisfy cranky bitch cravings.

              Taco Sauce

              (Noun) 1. Alternative name for Magic Cream.

              2. The stuff that helps tame the kitty.

              Titty Sprinkles!!!!!!

              (Noun) 1.Expression used at the end of a sentence to add flair.

              2. Ideal exclamation for when you stub your toe or drop your eyeliner down the sink.

              3. A phrase best used while hearing Morgan Freeman saying it in your head because it’s hilarious that way.

              Thundercunt

              (Noun) 1. A person who is acting like such a cunt, they alter the Earth's meteorological behavior resulting in near-apocalyptic storms with lethal levels of thunder.

              2. The the worst level of cunt you can be.

              Trick-trollin

              (Verb) 1. When thirsty bitches aka Attention Whores are starving for attention.

              2. Disagreeing on purpose just to be a bitch and get a rise out of you.

              Twat

              (Noun) Pussy aka Vagina, Snooch, Kitty, VaJayJay, etc…..

              Twat Waffle

              (Noun) 1. The Bitch that gets on your last damn nerve.

              2.That one person you know who suffers from excessive verbal diarrhea.

              3. The one bitch you want to smack in the face with a frying pan!

              4. A really beat up twat.

            U

              Uni

              (Noun) Shortened version of the word Unicorn to use as a bolt-on to other terms like Unibitch, Unilove and Uniwhore.

              Unibitch

              (Noun) A bitchy Unicorn Mom.

              Unicorn Stripes

              (Noun) The term for stretch marks previously known as Tiger Stripes but revised to be relevant to the freaking fantastic UMs group.

              Unicorn Suicide

              (Verb) 1. Getting mad at a friend for cock-blocking a married man.

              2. Having horrible taste in men but claiming to have high standards.

              3. Being overly materialistic but not that cute.

              4. Digging your own grave by posting “Fuck Love” stuff.

              5. Bashing a little boy in a dress when giving an Exit Speech.

              6. Repeatedly making highly-controversial or offensive posts in an effort to be booted from land of glitter on purpose.

              7. Getting booted from the land of glitter because it means you were being a cunt.

              Unilove

              (Noun) Unicorn Mom love.

              Uniqueen

              (Noun) Aka Maria Hunt

              UTA MADRE

              (Noun) When you’re so pissed off you can't even utter the word PUTA.

            V

              Vagenie

              (Noun) 1. The mystical demon spirit that lives deep inside a woman's vagina but will come out and grant you three magical wishes if you are lucky enough to awaken it from its slumber.

              2. Substitute and improvement for lyrics in the Christina Aguilera song like "Vagenie in a bottle come and rub me the right way."

            W

              X

                Y

                  Z

                    Zero Fucks

                    (Verb and Noun) 1. To not care

                    2. Alternative way to state you don’t care.

                    3. To not give a fuck.

                    Zero Fucks Given

                    (Noun) Phrase meaning you couldn’t care less about a subject at hand and is commonly used by UMs whilst pounding alcohol and binging on chocolate as dark as their souls.

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